Thirteen...

Dear Em,

Today, at this very second, thirteen years ago, your dad and I welcomed you into our world. We were young, scared, we had no idea what was in store for us and we certainly had absolutely no idea what we were going to do with the teeny, tiny, screaming little thing that was just introduced to us after the doctor announced "it's a girl!!"

On that very day, I watched your dad stare at you for hours while touching your hands and face, apparently he wanted to make sure you were real. You had a rough time coming into this world so I could understand his over protection that was only hours old. I heard him vow to love you forever. And he did, he loved you for as long as his forever was and he continues to love you in all the things he taught you while he was here to cherish you.

As I sit here today writing this, I wonder....where has the time gone? It seems like just yesterday that we brought you home where your dad used a dry erase board to list the times of your next feedings, as if you'd EVER let us forget. Or when you had horrible tummy aches after eating and the only thing that could ease your pain (and screaming) was a "football" carry by your dad. Or when you projectile vomited all over me and laughed about it. Or when you explosively pooped on your nursery wall when your dad was demonstrating to Grandma Deba that he could indeed change diapers. Or when we moved from our little apartment to Granny and Granddad's house where we lived for 4 months, this is where you learned to walk at 8 months (overachiever) - I was amazed. You had LOTS of friends at the new daycare where you would get dirty in your new clothes, play with your cousin Beau and where you broke a tooth by biting on a spoon. My constant thought when you were on your way to one was, what's she going to come up with next and how long until this kid kills me? I had no idea you'd be my calm baby :) The brightest part of my day was picking you up from daycare and being on the receiving end of the sweetest, best hugs in the world.

When your sister came along just 15 short months to the day after you, you welcomed her with open arms. You thought it was sooooo great that your mom and dad brought this real live doll home for you to play with....until you realized she was staying....for good. That's when I started catching you carrying your sister around by her neck and when you couldn't lift her, I caught you sitting on her head. But there is one thing I remember, you loved your sissy and she absolutely adored you! You loved her SO much that you even talked FOR her, but that could also be because you LOVED to talk, all the time. I don't think Ally had to talk until she was 3 years old.

When you started all day pre-school, I cried all the way to work after dropping you off on the first day. You thought it was the best thing EVER! You tried dance class, but it didn't stick. You tried t-ball but you spent more time playing with the dirt and grass on the field that your dad said you couldn't do that again. You thought gymnastics could be your thing, and it was, for a while until you gave it up after losing your passion for it. The one thing that has stuck is basketball, your dad would be so proud of you.

As far as school goes, you've breezed right through PK-6th grades and for that I am so proud of you. School really does come easy for you, which is a frustration to your sister (and me). I don't know what it is about 7th grade that makes me feel like time is stuck on fast forward. I wish you could stay my little, blond, curly haired baby girl forever....but, as you and I know, time stops for no one no matter how hard you wish for it to. Life moves forward...not backwards or sideways.

E, I'm going to tell you something that my parents told me when I was a kid and I didn't believe them then, but I get it now. One day, you'll understand why I have the rules I have and the chores you have to do and all the other responsibilities you have. My job is to make you a better person, one who becomes a responsible adult, one who makes good choices because you think it's a good idea and not because someone else thinks it is. I want you to be your own person. I want you to be able to look back on your childhood not hating the things I "made" you do or remembering all the times I just said NO. You will understand when you have children of your own (in the FAR, FAR off distance) that the only reason for all of the no's, the structure, the discipline, and the rules...all of that is because I love you. You are a bright and beautiful girl that has the whole world at her fingertips...that's kind of a big deal to your mom.

Don't waste any opportunity presented to you.

Don't feel sorry for the things you've lost; be thankful that you had them to lose.

Since your dad's been gone, you've been the one I've leaned on, as unfair as that seems at times, and you've always been there with no complaints holding me up when I needed you to. As your mom, I wish I could take away so many of the things that you've had to endure, so much hurt. You have no idea how hard it is to watch your child hurt and not be able to do a thing to make it better. I just hope loving you through the toughest of it all has been enough. Em, knowing that the hardest thing that has happened in your life so far will make you a stronger person in the future is the only positive thing about losing your dad.

You and your sister will always be the brightest parts of my day. That won't change no matter if we're fighting, or your yelling at each other, telling on each other or playing around with each other....all I have to do is look at your faces and really, nothing else matters. This won't change even if your all grown up. I hope you always know how much I love you and how proud I am of the person you are every day.

Happy 13th birthday, Emilita. Mama loves you.

Mom