Allyson's birthday party....Finally!!

Today I took 4 little girls to the pool at the AmericInn for Ally's friend birthday party!! For 2 hours they screamed, they swam, they were goofy and they all had a great time. Happy Birthday baby.

My 2 favorite girls! Not sure why Allyson feels the need to throw the gang signs....she's weird.
Hot tub!! Get wet! Make ya sweat!
I can't believe I caught this picture, this might have been the 4th time I made them jump jus' sayin' :)
Four little cuties all in a row!

Baseball Friday night!!

I decided to be a good aunt and hit up a ball game or 3 in one night!! Below are pictures :)

Garage Sale!!

It was the annual St. Charles city wide garage sale Friday and Saturday. Last year, mom and dad had 4 inches of sh*t in their basement and I had 6 inches of water in my cellar kissing the bottom of my furnace. I worked 1/2 day last year while JY pumped all of the water out of the cellar and 'helped' mom with clean up including taking 500 pictures of everything that got damaged. J was just there....this year, he wasn't here to make up a graph to chart all of the earnings that mom, Julie and I made. He wasn't here to get on the golf cart with me to chase down someone that stole a Jeff Gordon (LOL) hauler and he wasn't here to make us all laugh

Below are pictures from this year's garage sale :)

Another bridge crossed....

On Tuesday, I went thru all of J's clothes. I took them out of drawers, off of hangers, smelled them, folded them and put them in laundry baskets. J's dresser and closet contents filled 3 large laundry baskets. Three things I learned while doing this: #1: Of course I had to be a little drunk, #2: Holy shit that's hard and #3: JY was a clothes whore, boy liked his clothes and maybe I liked buying for him (maybe, just a little).

Today, I handed over what I could part with to J's mom so she could make something special out of his clothes for the girls and I suppose for me as well. Was it hard to take them out of the room we shared, yeah. Was it hard unloading the baskets and putting the contents in J's mom's car, yeah. Was it hard to watch her drive away with everything J owned, wore and in a way erase him from our house? Oh hell yeah. But I did it, and I was not drinking ;)

Just when I think it's ok to let go a little I get slapped in the face with a little bit of reality...yeah, I know it's only been 5 months...yeah, I know I'm in for a long road ahead....yeah, I know I have family and friends I can lean on. But man, right now, I'd give anything to talk to J about how straight F'd up my life is right now.

Thanks for checking in.

L

So...it's been a week.

It's been a week since I wrote last, I've been a little busy and, to be honest, I haven't really had much to say about the going's on in the Young house. Every day I wake up and think, today is going to be different....it never is. Maybe one day it will stop being so hard and sad and we'll all settle for different?? No idea, this is my first (there's that word again) time losing a husband.

Those of you who know me, know that JY and I were a team and we were damn good together, not always but for the times that mattered. For the last almost 5 months I've been trying to find Lesa. I know I'm not a drunk, I never was much of one, but I'm finding out that sometimes the alcohol helps me be stronger and more out going, does that make sense? Did I just say out-going?? LOL, I used to be that person, 5 months ago. I was the talker, the joke maker, the one to entertain everyone....I guess I didn't lose myself after all because I'm still all of those things only this time it's to joke away the shitty feelings and of being uncomfortable and so alone.

Anyway, there are some good things that have happened in my life...I've reached out to more people than I normally would have. I've been out and gotten social with people I wouldn't normally feel comfortable being out with. I'm trying to do what I know Jeff would have wanted me to be - get outta the house, have fun, move on...I don't like that phrase because some people will take that to mean that I've forgotten him already. Yeah, like that's gonna happen, I'm constantly reminded in the house, with his clothes laying around, Lare, and most importantly our 2 beautiful daughters. I will never forget JY, ever. But, for me to be any kind of normal, I have to spread my single mom, non-married wings....wow, non-married. I haven't been that for 14 years. I'll make mistakes, but I'll learn from them. Judge all you want, you can't hurt me more than I've already been hurt in my lifetime. I'm done preaching....

The girls and I took a drive out to the cemetary tonight. We decided that since the family has been out to see the headstone, we'd take pictures and post them for the rest of the family who isn't in the area. I hope you don't think it's weird...if you do, build a bridge and get over it (thanks T), I guess. Excuse my foul attitude, please.

Thanks for checking in...

L

Gwen's out, Joe's in....

OMG, it's beautiful....

So, J's headstone got set today....it's amazing.

Because I haven't been to the cemetery since the funeral (drive by's don't count), I called in reinforcements in the form of JY's BF. Thank god he was there because I was a mess. He pulled up, gave me a couple of minutes to sit and cry by myself while he went out and had a few words with J. I composed myself, got out of the car, walked across the lawn bawling, met him half way and completely fell apart.

I was sad, mad and very pissy all at the same time. The headstone is so final.....it's like saying good bye to my best friend/lover/father of my children all over again. Just when I think I'll never shed another tear, 1500 more fall. When does the pain end?

Thanks for checking in......

L

Happy 10th Birthday Allyson Kae!!

It's hard to imagine that my baby is turning 10 tomorrow. I tell her the wonderful story of her birth every year on her birthday, I don't think she believes all the going's on that I tell her about...

It was 10 years ago tonight (after tucking 15 month old Emily in with G'ma Deb) that J, mom, Julie and I checked into Mercy hospital at 1015p so that I could be induced. I was 3 days early, but I had been to see Dr. 'Hottie' that day and he gave me the option of being induced or waiting. Ok, really, do you think for one minute I had to ponder that?? Yeah, not so much, which is why we checked in May 19, 1999 at 1015p.

Earlier in the afternoon I told G'ma Austin I was going to have the baby tonight (wishful thinking on a fast delivery) and she smiled her lipstick smile, put a hand on either side of my face and said, 'Lesa, your going to have this baby tomorrow on the 20th, the same date big sister Emily was born - just like you and your sister'. Yeah, ok G'ma, I'll give you a call later tonight to let you know the baby has arrived...That lady was the smartest lady I knew.

Back in the room, we were having a slumber party!! Mom brought the movie 'Meet Joe Black', we had snacks and we were gonna talk all night long while J slept on the couch. WRONG. My labor nurse said absolutely not. Lesa is supposed to be resting. And I'm all, come on, I haven't seen that movie yet! And besides, in a couple of hours this will all be over anyway, I'm not tired. Yeah, I didn't get to see the movie, that night. I never had to be induced (I won't go into the details of the night) because by 645a ON THE 20TH I was in labor and begging for an epidural. I was shaking, rolled onto one side begging J to rub my back raw. Why do I feel the sudden urge to PUSH and why the hell isn't my hottie Dr here yet?? Julie sat, armed with the video camera, when Dr Hottie arrived. He barely got his scrubs on when he put his hands out to catch the baby, which he announced to a STUNNED room that it was a girl. JY's all, are you sure it's a girl, and Dr. Hottie's all, yeah pretty sure. (I don't tell Allyson this part, which is another reason why I haven't shown her the video of her birth because the uproar over her sex would probably not be good) J finally got to cut a cord and declared her beautiful, after checking her over from head to toe. I'm laying there watching him and I think, hey, I've seen that look before, you are straight hooked and in love buddy.

Baby girl Young hit the ground runnin' at 1016a on May 20th, 1999 and she's been hell on wheels ever since. She was baby girl Young until the day she came home from the hospital, only because the nurses said she couldn't leave without a name. Big sister Emily picked Allyson (with J's help) even tho she called her sissy for the first 5 years of her life.

Allyson, I want you to know that your daddy loved you with all of his heart. You may look like me, but you are your daddy's little girl. You liked to play in the dirt with him, fish with him, you made him carry you everywhere you wanted to go, you were his shadow, you were better than any boy he could have had and you had him wrapped around your tiny little finger from the moment he laid eyes on you. You two butted heads all the time and I would always tell him, she's a mini you J and he would say boy are we in some trouble. You have your daddy's toughness and zest for life. I don't know anyone else who could break a finger sit there, not cry but have an annoyed look on your face directed at me while I sat in the seat next to you on the way to the ER bawling my eyes out. I hope you always know that your daddy loved you this day and every day he was with us.

I love you Ally Kae, this day and every day to come!

Love,

Mom

Another week down...

Since losing J, I feel like I'm always counting...Counting firsts, seconds, thirds, and lasts. There have been so many firsts that I've lost count...I know that makes no sense but there it is. There have been first birthdays, first gymnastic meets, first school concerts, first school conferences, first Mother's Day, first disappointments (for me, the girls)....it's damn depressing how many things one person misses when they 'leave' the rest of us behind.

The girls and I have been out to the cemetary once (Mother's Day), we didn't get out of the car and when we pulled away we were all bawling like babies. J's headstone will be set by Wednesday (Ally's 10th birthday, no less). When I heard that over the phone today I wanted to throw up in my trash can after I hung up. Seeing the stone out there will be another first that's gonna be hard to walk thru. But us girls...we'll do it and we'll do it together because J wouldn't want it any other way.

Time for a cocktail...

L

This and that....

Tonight Emily had a band and choir concert - the last one of the year (YEA!!). She was wonderful - an hour and half in, my a$$ hurts from sitting on the bleachers...is this just another sign of getting older?? Jesus Kathy, I hope not!!

It's official, Emily got all her talent and her good looks from me...LOL. After the concert, I decided we needed some new girl pictures. So, dad took them for us. Dude is not at all handy with a camera...Dad, really.

Thanks for checking in!

L

My goodness, it's this kid cute?? I am soooooo gonna be in trouble when she gets a little bit older, Grandad better teach me a few scare tactics :)
I took this picture when I heard (from Allyson) 'Mom, I'm bored'...really?
Again with the cute...she looks just like me :)
Playing the clairnet, I wasn't in the best spot!! Look at that hair...wonder who did that?? Nice work Shany Banany :)
Oh no, spotted!!
Just us girls...
Me and Al.
Me and Em.
Me and Em. (oops, and Lybbi too)

Conversation at the dinner table - Mothers Day 2009

J: T, when you tan, do you tan naked?

T: (giggle) Yeah.

M: (concerned look on her face) Doesn't your tallywhacker get burned?

L: OMG, really?? That goes under the heading of things I don't need to know!!

(background sounds of 6 kids laughing like crazy over hearing the word tallywhacker)

D: What did I miss?? Why are you all laughing?? Would someone please tell me what's so funny??

J: Does your butt tan, because it's kinda hairy....

T: I don't have a hairy butt!!

L: OMG, again with the pictures I don't need in my head....seriously!

M: You have a hairy butt??

L: Jesus Kathy....

Isn't my family the greatest?? Seriously, only at the dinner table, on Mother's Day would we be talking about tanning naked and hairy butts (ok T, you don't have a hairy butt...). I love you guys!!

L

Easter in May!!

We had Easter at the Farm with J's family today. Why now?? Two things...this year I was in Florida over Easter and also because April in northern Iowa is damn chilly for an Easter egg hunt! Dinner was awesome and so was the company! Below are pictures from our outing :)

Is that Allyson?? She kinda blends in :)
All the grand kids + a great niece.
All the kids (part 2)
Me and my 2 beautiful girls....who are sneaking up on me in height, yikes!
Seriously, who's kid is this?? She looks kinda like someone I know.....
Nerd alert!!

One word....beautiful.

L

The best fun in a 2 foot deep pool - they made it work!!

The back story to this is....Jeff and I took a whole week off in August 2007 to hang with the girls and with each other (like we'd ever admit that). We went on a mini vacation with the Richardson's to Worlds of Fun and Oceans of Fun where Emily and Allyson rode their very first roller coaster - The Mamba. One of the rare times JY was in our tiny, tiny pool was this little show demonstrating the 'Pamba'. JY was the ride and the girls were on the roller coaster.

Notice where I am....outside the pool, might have been smoking as evidenced by the rolling smoke in front of the camera. Neat.

I miss this.

L

Old Home/Memory Lane day :)

Christmas 2005. JY is smiling...maybe because Christmas is finally over?? Probably :)
Christmas 2004.
JY seems frustrated...is it because we aren't playing poker??
Mexico 2002. This was our first official trip by ourselves. We decided that this would be the last trip we take by ourselves...and it was :)
JY with his 2 best girls.

Sick day!!

Allyson woke up this morning complaining of a head ache and tummy ache. Being the super good mom that I am - I gave her some Tylenol and sent her off to school. I got to work, was there for 30 minutes and got a call from Allyson (from Julie's house) who is sobbing that she doesn't feel good.

So, I packed it in and headed home. Good thing I can at least do part of my job at home, lucky me!!

Below is picture of Ally Kae 'getting better' with Lybbi watching over her closely. I'd like to point out that Lybbi will only get this close to Allyson when she's sleeping...that dog is so smart!!

Random (like # 75 or something...)

So, I was going thru some of J's email - on one of the various sites that he had email coming into (good thing I double as a computer hacker, or maybe it's because he had the same sign on's for everything LOL) - and I found some pictures he had uploaded to his profile on MSN.

I love this picture, you wanna know why?? Because of the love that shows on his silly face. JY hated having his picture taken and usually shied away or gave me a stupid look, but this one....this one is how I saw him every day. And especially when I caught him looking at the girls or when he was talking about them.

Anyway, I thought I'd share the love :) Look for more love sharing coming up.

L

Happy 35th birthday Shana Lee!!

Yes, yes it's true you have officially caught up to me. OMG, do you realize what this means??? We are MIDDLE 30's. Shit dude, we're just old hot chicks now!!

Seriously tho, I couldn't be more proud to call you my BF. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life in some form or another for the past 30 years. We've been as close as sisters, mortal enemies and everything in between. You know ALL of my secrets and I might just know ALL of yours!! So, I guess that means we have to stay friends forever because I don't want any of that drama to come out ;)

Love ya this day and every day!!

L

We were so freaking cute!! Who am I kidding, we still are!! I'm pretty sure I could still fit a leg into that outfit....ok, so the hat for sure would still fit ;)
Hot stuff!
What were we, like 3? We look like hoochies :)

Happy 5th Birthday Sabryn!! Aunt Lesa loves you!

I love you girl!!

Aunt Lesa

Chuck E Cheese, say what, say what?? Holla!!

Tonight we got together with the family at Chuck E Cheese for Sabryn's 5th birthday party (happy birthday Bryn May 6th). I despise this place!! But for Sabryn, Aunt Lesa endured.

Check out the pics!!

Claustrophobic much?? I got up in the tubes TWICE - of course this was after making sure there wasn't a maximum weight limit posted :)
Emily in the tube - it was much easier for her to get her skinny butt up there!!
L and Ally K in front of the 'cool' stage at Chuck E Cheese.
Nerds!!
Awe, E and the birthday girl!!
Yummy!!
Chuck himself and the birthday girl!
Mr. Cheese and the girls.