Diary of a 'second time' quitter - day 4

AHHHHH, I'm going crazy. There, I feel better now.

Confession: I have an 'emergency' pack of smokes hanging out in my car that I look at EVERY morning when I leave for work. And every morning I say to myself, self, good thing you took out every lighter I own and threw them away, otherwise that 'emergency' pack of smokes would be up in smoke right now. I should throw them away, I know, but at the same time I'm testing my will power. I will beat the hold cigarettes have on me and if looking at this pack every morning and CHOOSING NOT to smoke them is part of the process, then so be it.

Thanks for ALL of your encouraging comments, it means a lot to me knowing that I have a lot of cheerleaders that are pulling for me and also won't beat me up if I trip.

I have a LONG way to go....but, I've been down worse roads.

Thanks for checking in.....

L

Diary of a 'second time' quitter - day 3

Today has got to be the toughest by far. Even with the patch on, I still think about smoking 24/7.

I'm still at ZERO cigarettes since Sunday, and I'm getting cocky (LOL).

Every piece of clothing I own still smells like smoke, so that's a little annoying and a little deceptive to the cheerleaders I have around me who smell me and probably think I'm cheating again.....I'm not, my clothes are :) I might have to take everything out of my closet and dresser and just take a day and wash it all up....nah, I'm WAY to lazy to do that. I'll just have to deal with it and bathe in my perfume.

I'm here, I'm not giving up and I'm trying to stay strong....which is really tough when all I want to do is give in.

Thanks for checking in....

L

Diary of a 'second time' quitter - day 1

Today, I've not had one cigarette.

I have a patch on....I wonder, can you chew the gum AND have a patch on at the same time??

It's a new day. I feel good about it.

Thanks for checking in.

L

A little something I found....

To love is to risk not being loved in return.

To hope is to risk pain.

To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

I found this on a FB page that I'm a 'fan' of and borrowed it. I like it. It's simple, to the point and so true using so few words.

I've had quite a few changes in my life lately...not just the 'quitting' smoking, but with my love life as well. I never thought I'd say I was in love again, but I am. I'm finding out, this time around, that I can go it alone but having someone beside me is a much sweeter road to travel. I've also learned that it's not as easy as it was 18 years ago when J and I started dating. So, this quote/saying hits close to home and in my new adventure so I thought I'd share.

Thanks for checking in....

L

Diary of a 'first time' quitter - day 10

I am a cheater. I made a promise to myself and to the girls that I would quit smoking and I failed them....I failed me. All I can say is, I'm trying and to me, that's better than giving up all together.

Having said that, I'm still proud of myself. In the last 10 days I've gone from smoking 20-30 cigarettes per day to smoking just 3. That's pretty impressive, at least I think so. I think about smoking every minute of the day but I don't fold to the voices in my head. I've started wearing the patch and amazingly that seems to help with the anxiety I'm feeling every day, every hour, every minute, every second....they also help with the moods I have, which I'm sure everyone in my life appreciates :)

I'm weak, I know....you don't have to point it out. Maybe by week 3 I'll be completely smoke free, we'll see.

Thanks for checking in.....

L

Diary of a 'first time' quitter - day 5

Whoa...what a week this as been! I'm not gonna lie, it's been TOUGH!! Tuesday night mom drove me to the ER for a severe pain I was having in my right side, I'm tough but this pain brought me to my knees. After several vials of blood, after I peed in a cup and after xrays, an ultra sound and a CT it was concluded that I was constipated. Really?? An Austin constipated, not possible. But I accepted their diagnosis and was home by 2a on Wednesday morning. I stayed home Wednesday and let the meds work their magic (kinda) and was back in the ER on Thursday with the SAME pain and not a lot of 'pooping'. After another xray, it was determined that I had chest wall inflammation...okkkaaaayy. So, Thursday home with some good inflammatory drugs.

All of this would put stress on anyone...the not knowing and the pain. But for a newly decided 'non' smoker, I was freaking out. So, when I tell you I slipped a little, please don't be hatin' on me. Believe me when I tell you I beat myself up over the slip, no one elses 'beat down' could be worse than my own, and I feel like a failure because of it. For the record, the cigs (yes, plural) I had made me sick and tasted like ass....but I'm incapable of lying to anyone....so here I am ratting myself out.

I'm back on track...and it's going well, only because I did slip and proved to myself what a NASTY tasting habit it is.....bare with me, I knew it would be hard and I knew I would slip up, but no more....

Thanks for checking in :)

L

Diary of a 'first time' quitter - day 2

I would love to say WHEW, that was tough....but, honestly, it wasn't at all, I'm just glad to be rid of that 'first day'. There were just a couple times I faltered and thought in my head, wow, I'd really like to have a smoke...but I didn't. The first time I wanted one was after dinner and the second time was when I saw someone smoking in a movie I was watching. It also helped having someone in my corner supporting me last night...oh and telling me how nice it is to not smell smoke on me...

Since putting up my first post about quitting, I've been given a lot of advice and a couple things to think about (thanks Rachel):

- The worst side effects happen within 24-48 hours of quitting
- Within 2-4 weeks, all side effects stop

In all honesty, I stopped smoking at 735p on Sunday night and I've been staying in a place that I don't usually smoke much...the true test will be when I get home tonight and just chill. I haven't had a beer yet either....so there are some things I've been staying away from while I 'detox' myself from the one thing that has always been there for me to ease the stress in my life.

I CAN DO THIS, I have no doubt.....I just wonder what/who I'll lose in the process.

Thanks for checking in....

L

Diary of a 'first time' quitter - day 1

I woke up, and wanted one...but I didn't do it. As a matter of fact, I threw my remaining cigarettes away....believe me when I tell you it felt like I was losing my best friend when I threw them away....I have been smoking since I was 14-15 years old, of course it feels like my BF...yikes.

It is now 10am, smoke break time, and I'm feeling good...I don't feel like I want one. I thought quitting cold turkey would be hard, but I like the mind set I'm in, and the peeps I'm doing it for matter to me, I matter to me.

To the peeps closest to me, please don't tell me it will be hard - I already know...please don't tell me I'll fail - I will try my damnedest not to...please don't turn your back on me IF I fail - It could happen, I just won't let it...please stick by me when I'm at my worst - because we ALL know that at some point I'll turn in to that person NO ONE knows and accuse you of sh*t you may or may not have done.....All I'm asking for is support, it's all anyone would ask for.

Thanks for checking in.....

L

The weekend..

Started on Friday night with our second to last exhibition team performance at MstM. We did one show during half time of the boys game. It was a great performance! Our friends Jodee and Sydney came to watch the girls do their thing..thanks for coming girls, too bad the slumber party didn't work out, maybe next time :)

Saturday = basketball. Allyson played at 11a and her team won. Emily's game was at 2p and her team WON. They brought home a VICTORY with a score of 28-16, outstanding!! Emily made a lay up her dad would be proud of, beautiful, just beautiful. One more week of regular season play and we're done and moving on to the planning of the JY Classic.

Not a bad weekend.....thanks for checking in...

L

2010 Exhibition Team performance

Here is a link that you can go to and watch the girls performance at I35 last Tuesday night. Thank goodness someone else figured out how to pull the video so other people could watch it!!

One more performance to go and the Xteam season is over....Enjoy.

Click HERE to see it. Emily is in the pink bag like 4th from the right and Allyson is in the green (teal) bag like 2nd from the right. Good stuff!!

Thanks for checking in.....

L

Another crazy, stupid, busy weekend....

Our weekend started with the gymnastics Exhibition team performing during half time of the girls and boys basketball games at Clarke High School. What an amazing job the whole team did!! It was the first time I'd watched the dance and it was pretty cute and if I could figure out how in the world to get the video OFF the mini disc it's on, I'd put it up for all of you to see. If you missed Friday's performance, never fear, they perform on Tuesday (2/2) at I35, Friday (2/5) at MstM and March 6th at a Drake game.

Saturday up early for the long trip to West Central Valley/Stuart for 4 hours of basketball games. Allyson's team won their game while Emily's team lost both of their games. Hopefully next week we'll bring home a W for E. Only 2 weeks of regular season play left then it's planning, planning, planning for the JY Classic Youth tourney on March 13th.

After driving all the way home from WCV, we were home long enough to let Lybbi out and pack the car for a road trip to the Amana's for a stay at the Wasserbahn water park. Much to every one's dismay, the water park was just ok but we still had fun hanging out and just being with each other. It was a great girls night away, and greatly needed for all of us. We followed that up with a little shopping at the outlet mall. I left WITHOUT getting a Coach purse in which Emily thought I might be sick because that NEVER happens :) The rest of Sunday was spent on the couch catching up on the DVR...that was the best!!

I'm T minus 6 days from the end of my smoking career...shocking, I know. I'm a little nervous and a little stressed out already but I need to do this, if not for myself but for the girls. When J was here we NEVER smoked in the whole house, in the last 8 months I've started doing that and I can see a change in the girls and I don't like it. I decided last week that I had 2 cartons left and when they were gone, they were gone....Lord help us all because I'll be a straight B until I'm over the initial shock. I'm not sure anyone has any clue what that's going to be like except me and it won't be pretty.....I have a support group of one, a buddy at work, we're going to do this together. I'm ready, I think I've been ready for a long time but didn't really feel like I could handle the stress in my life without my crutch.....I'm stronger today than I was over a year ago and I'm ready to let go....I know I can do it, the one's closest to me just have to hang in there until the storm blows over, however long that takes.

Busy week this week and I say bring it :) Thanks for checking in.....

L