Sunday = sleep in...

And yes I did, until 10a. Boy that was nice!

Allyson went to a friends house for the day so Emily and I just bummed around the house for a couple of hours until it was time to head on over to g'ma Austin's house for a good ol' fashioned inventory party. Are we done yet?? This counts as my second Sunday 3 hour stint helping go thru the accumulation of a lifetime. All this writing and going thru things is making me rethink all the sh*t I have sitting around my house. It's time to go thru each room and start pitching sh*t so that my kids/grandkids don't ever have to do what a handful of us are doing. FUN TIMES!! By the end of the day we all figured out g'ma's motto - one is good, 15 is better!! There is so much left to do.

Tonight we the whole family had dinner at mom and dad's, something we haven't done in a long time. Thanks for dinner it was yummy and a nice change from cereal and popcorn :)

Allyson might have broken our trampoline by bringing the net (that's attached to the jumpy part) down on one corner. Good thing grandad thinks he can fix it, whew.

Doesn't look to be a busy week for us this week, which will be nice...now if the weather would just cooperate we'll be good!!

Thanks for checking in.

L

I went out and got social, woot, woot!!

And I hated every minute of it. Ok, hate is kind of a strong word. Uncomfortable might be a better way to describe it.

This morning I was up and out of bed at 7a, no sleeping in for me today. It was a girl day, with no kids!! Julie, Tana and I drove to Williamsburg to the outlet to gear up for Florida (not that I'm counting or anything but our trip is ONLY 11 days away!!). I won the prize for big spender of the day while my sidekicks just let me. Thanks for the support guys, you could have told me how horrible I looked and I would have spent less, sheesh, I need a better support group :)

We got home in just enough time to shower and get all gussied up. I went to a murder/mystery dinner at Summerset Winery as Julie's date (Travis owes me BIG time) with Chad and Kristi and Jeff and Susan. I'm sorry guys, but that was boring!! First off I had to get all fancified, be completely uncomfortable and make nice like I was enjoying myself. I had a few good laughs, the dinner was good and I can now cross 'go to a murder/mystery dinner' off of my bucket list. Fun stuff!!

After the dinner, we went to the SC Lion's Hall for a 'retirement as I35 Wrestling coach' for Dean Downs. I left shortly after getting there because I felt like I was the tag-a-long and I don't do well in crowds that know I lost J. I didn't feel anonymous enough and had to get out of there. J would have been the life of the party and would have been making fun of me for going and honoring the a$$ grabber coach. He was funny like that....I missed him horribly tonight.

I'm kind of in a mood tonight so I'll leave you with that...

L

Wednesday's Suck!!

Not only for my obvious reasons, but the hits just keep on a comin' to the Austin Family.

I found out tonight that a cousin of my dad's passed away today at his vacation home in Texas. I've known Dennis all my life but I just recently got to KNOW Dennis and his wife Mona while they were staying with my parent's when g'ma passed away in November (when they just happened to be back for his father's funeral, Uncle Joe). What a hoot Dennis was and honestly I think he was more in love with playing with fire than J was.

What a blessing it was to spend so much time with them when they were back. I was looking forward to a big Dennis hug when they rolled back thru from Texas to their home in Maine. I just want to reach out and give Mona a big hug and tell her, I know what she's going thru, the losing the husband part because her feelings are her own.

Please keep Mona and her family close to your heart.

And you see, this is why I struggle so much with the why and why I continue to shake my fists at the man above.

Thanks for checking in...

L

Pictures from Saturday's birthday party....

Emily and Uncle Micah messing around.
Look at all the grand kids. Bunch of good lookin' kids!
I happened to spot the 'gloved one' with his matching murse and sporting the middle 'your number one' finger at me :) Luv you too Bruce.
Tom, Judy, Holly and Mikayla.
Emily giving Aden a lift and Mikayla helping too.

Busy...understatement!

However, I should probably qualify that I do make my own busy sometimes....ok a lot of the times.

Friday night after getting home from the Elsen's I had a late night visitor....I'm sitting at my desk and my phone rings - at 1220a - and it's my ING buddy LB. I answer the phone and I'm all, dude how did you know I was awake? And LB's all, because I saw the light on. And I'm all, WHAT?? So, her and B were coming home from the casino and decided to visit. LB and I talked until 230a, B left her here because he was tired and wanted to go home so she spent the night in the bunk beds!! This is too funny to make up, no kidding!!

Saturday was a day of heartache. I went headstone shopping for J. If that doesn't kick you in the stomach, I don't know what will. One more bridge crossed. Mom and I (and the girls) drove over to Indianola Memorial Works Saturday morning. We checked out every bench headstone they had and found the most beautiful one, which was the first one we spotted as we pulled in. Allyson's comment on it was that it had a can holder for me to put my pop while I was having conversations with J. I didn't have the heart to tell her that it was a flower pot holder, I like her use better!!

Saturday afternoon, mom, dad and I met Tom, Judy, Deb and Bruce at the Winterset cemetery to look at their headstones and really, nothing else compared to the one we spotted that morning. So back in the car and all of us drove over to Indianola. Everyone agreed that this was the right one. Decision made we all went our separate ways.

I made a quick stop at home and then back to Des Moines, picked the girls up in the Target parking lot (thanks Shana) and it's off to the Pizza Ranch in Waukee for a birthday party for Tom and Madelyn.

Today I FINALLY got to sleep in!! I rolled out of bed at 11p, made my famous chili dogs and then it was off to g'ma and g'pa's house for some inventory, woot, woot. Drove Jared John home for an excuse to stop off at the Starbucks and then home again...for a while. Allyson went to a friends house and Emily and I went over to Elsen's for tanning and TV.

I'm still on spring break for one more day, I have a lot on the agenda but not sure if any of it will get done :)

Thanks for checking in, have a good week.

L

Day off?? Who??

The girls officially started spring break today, so I went ahead and scheduled dentist appointments for all of us at 9a. There is NO rest for us :) We spent a couple of hours there getting cavities filled and sealants put on. I had 2 shots to get my cavities filled, I guess I might have looked a little funny talking, smiling, smoking and trying to drink my coffee for the next 5 HOURS.

We stopped by the office, which was a mistake, and I got made fun of because of my unfortunate run in with the Novocaine needle. Not cool. I was banished from the office because I caused a stir, and the girls were bored.

We drove up to Ames to spend some much needed time with J's sister Heather and her family. Pizza, the park and visiting, what more could a person want?? I wish they lived closer!! Thanks for letting us hang out Heather!!

Now, I'm getting ready to head to bed - big, important day tomorrow....I'm not looking forward to it.

Peace....

L

My new theme song.....

Emily asked me to put a few new songs on her iPod and this was one of them. It's by Miley Cyrus and I've decided that it's my new theme song.

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It's all about
It's all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

On another note, I started my conditioning of the liver for the FL trip tonight. I made it to 3 beers and am calling it good......for now.

Thanks for checking in.

L

Happy Birthday Tom!!

I hope you had a wonderful day! We love you and happy birthday!

Lesa, Emily and Allyson

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...

Well, it was until I went to school conferences tonight....but I'm not going to go in to that tonight...

After school, Julie took the kids to the park in St. Charles. She snapped the following pictures. Ah, to be young again without a care in the world and nothing but blue skies and having fun to look forward to...

Happy Tuesday.

L

Happy 10th Birthday Madelyn!!

The coolest thing about a blog is that I can back date!! Which I did, so please forgive me for putting it up 3/22/09 and back dating :)

I love you and I hope you had a wonderful birthday!!

Aunt Lesa

It's SUNDAY already??

I guess that's what happens when you spend 13 hours at the school and waste away your entire Saturday.

Friday night, while Emily had her last bball practice of 2009, Rankin's, Elsen's and I set up the concession and gyms for the bball tourney on Saturday - the JY Classic. I never in a million years ever thought there would be anything named after and in honor of Jeff Young. I mean, I thought he was pretty damn special, but everyone else?? Outside of his family, I've learned, he meant a lot to a lot of different people. But the youth basketball program was his passion. It took 5 of us to fill in for him this year. What big shoes we had to fill. When I was first approached about naming the tourney after J, I was all weird about it. I didn't need the reminder and J would have hated it but I'm glad we did it after his greatest love, basketball.

Saturday was amazing. The tourney ran itself, the concession stand sold out of almost everything, there were no fights between parents and the best part is that we hired janitors to clean up after us. It was an amazing and very, very sad at the same time. Sheri was amazing running the concession stand and my family really stepped up in a big way...My mom and sister stayed the entire day helping wherever they could (which was mostly in the kitchen) and my dad was there for clean up. I can't thank them enough for being there and pitching in and I know when they read this I'll get an email that says, you don't have to thank your family....oh but I do. I'm glad they were all there when Allyson played her last game. That was the hardest one of all. The emotions were high, not sure if it's because I was exhausted or just because I was thinking about last year or that this year he's missing it. Just brought back all of the hurt and then some.

This tournament would not have happened without the help of the following people: Nate & Katy Rankin, Matt & Sheri Elsen, Melissa Linhart, my parents, my sister and the HS boys and girls basketball teams. It takes a village, I guess, to fill one person's very large shoes. Thank you so much for everything.

I hope you were watching from your cloud in the sky J, it was all for you. You were honored in the highest way and I hope you felt the love the entire day. I love you and miss you so, so much. I felt you close to me yesterday and for that I'm thankful.

I love ya babe.

L

I received this picture a couple of days ago from a parent of one of the ball players J coached. It was taken at our basketball banquet our first year running the league. He was so uncomfortable in front of the crowd...Thanks Erin!!

Happy Hump Day!!

Today was a long, sad, busy day with a happy ending...Mom, Dad, Julie, Travis and I met at O'Hana's for Julie's birthday dinner. Mark up another first because it was our first adult family dinner without J. We didn't talk about it but we all felt it and it wasn't until the very end of dinner when finally something was mentioned that something/someone was missing.

On another note....it's frickin' cold out!!

Thanks for checking in and again, Happy Birthday baby sister.

L

Happy Birthday to my baby sister...

My baby sister is celebrating the 2nd anniversary of her 30th birthday today. You know, we weren't always friends, there was even a time when we didn't speak to each other but now I don't know of one other person I'm more proud to call my sister. She really is who I wanted to be when I grew up, I'm not kidding. She's everything I'm not and I love who she is. We couldn't be more opposite: She's tall, I'm short. She's skinny, I look 5 months pregnant. She's so put together, I'm what I just pulled out of the dryer wrinkles and all. Well, you know what they say, opposites attract and I wouldn't change one thing about her.

Since losing J, she's been my rock, my saving grace, my sounding board, my best friend, the best Aunt, the one I call when I need to b*tch about something and just there even when I don't know that I need her. So, sis, I hope you have a wonderful birthday. From the bottom of my heart I love you (even when you annoy me...LOL). L

Yes, that's Julie with the big hair. I'm still trying to figure out how she snowboarded without getting one hair out of place, amazing.
Awe, Julie so cute and innocent!!
Gee, I wonder where I get trying to dress my kids alike. This was our way cool stage..OMG.
See, I'm playing with my live doll. I was so happy when she came home from the hospital, my very own live doll. I'm sure she hated every second of it.
I think this is Julie, I can't really tell with all the spaghetti she's wearing :)
Pretty, pretty princess.
We were best friends even back then when it wasn't cool to be friends with your sister.
Much love.

I love ya sis.
L

Chew toy aka Emily's new glasses....

Lare's new $170 chew toy, you can pick this up at Lens Crafters in VWM.
Better picture of the damage done.
Emily's NEW NEW glasses.
Maybe having to put some money towards this new purchase will make her think twice before she lays them down in the dogs reach....
She's still pretty and looking way too grown up.

In Emily's defense (I guess), the glasses are made out of the same material that most dog chews are made of, mixed with her special scent, Lare got a little over zealous. I hope he doesn't think I bought him a new toy...

L

Pictures from this weekend, part 2....

Emily Hope gets a trophy...
Emily is on the podium, 3rd in DM.
Allyson, 1st in DM.
Emily, 2nd in tumbling.
Ally Kae with another dust collector :)

Pictures from this weekend....

Ally Kae 3rd in Tumbling!!
Sophia with her first trophy ever!! Good luck finding a place for all the trophies to come in the future!
Sophia on the podium.
Sabryn, 1st place!!
Sabryn on the podium.

Thanks dad for capturing what I missed. Luv ya.

L

What a day...

So, the glasses lasted a little over 24 hours. Yes, you read correctly. The glasses are done for. Emily took her glasses off her face (like I told her not to do) and the next thing you know Lare is using them like a chew toy. Ugh!! I might have had a tiny breakdown over this, I might have flown off the handle, I MIGHT have dropped at least 50 F bombs (like the good mom that I am) and then I picked up the phone called in the back up (mom) and gave myself a time out. An hour later and I can calmly tell Emily that she's paying half for the next pair of glasses we get, but she's still grounded from her cell phone and her ipod for an undecided amount of time. Wow, being a mom is some tough stuff, being a single mom is even harder and I have much respect for all of the single mothers out there. I feel like a failure right now...picking myself up by the boot straps and movin' on.

On a much happier note, the gymnastics meet went well. I was on my feet for the day and didn't get to see any trophies handed out to the girls but I did get to watch them compete and, as always, they amaze me. I'll put pictures out tomorrow night.

Heading to bed, daylight savings is kicking my a$$. Thanks for checking in.

L

p/s. Thanks mom, for coming to my rescue. I can always count on you, no questions asked. I am so thankful to have you, dad and Julie. Thanks for being in my cheering section and picking me up when I fall. I don't know what I'd do without all of you.

p/p/s. Deb, I used an emergency card tonight, thanks I needed that.

Random...

So it's beauty and the beast at my house...ok, not really but it's been a rough week at the Young's.

We had a trampoline accident and someone had to get glasses (and it wasn't me). See pictures below.

Thanks for checking on us, it's never a dull moment.

L

This is what Trampoline rash looks like. Ally's name should be changed to Bruiser :) I love this kid!!

If you look really close at the trampoline rash on the bottom of her eye, it looks like a heart. Thanks grandad for pointing that out, it made the trampoline rash even more cool than it already was :)

OMG, doesn't Emily look 2 years older than her 11 years? This girl has heartbreaker written all over her face.

Sooooo, so pretty.

Another busy one comin' up!!

Wow. That's it, just wow. I need a vacation, bad.

This weekend is full of gymnastics! It's our home meet, yippee. That means up and early to the gym to help set up, decorate and spend the entire day away from the house and the dogs and letting the kids run amok. Tomorrow afternoon I'm making (along with the Rankin's) the first concession stand run for the big basketball tourney (3/14-3/15) and hopefully it's resting time tomorrow night.

Sunday (since we lose an hour) is gonna be a B*TCH. I signed up for duty at the first aid table with a part-time gig at one of the judges tables. Then it's clean up and hopefully home by 5p going to bed shortly after. Not sure where I'm gonna fit in laundry, meals, dishes and down time...but I'm sure I'll figure something out.

Think of me when your sleeping in, watching TV, or just lounging...I'll be the envious one haunting you while your napping :)

Thanks for checking in.

L

Today...

I was a strugglin'. You'll have days like that...so I'm told. 3 things then I'm off to bed:

1. I miss J
2. I miss the shit out of J.
3. GD, why does this have to be so hard?

Night.

L

Random pic's

This one should be tagged "Pissed". Because that's what Emily is, she got last. Who cares I say!!
Emily gets on the podium!!
Allyson in the #2 spot!!
Ally Kae just hangin' around until her group gets called on stage :)

Instead of Where's Waldo....it's Where's Lesa???

Never fear for I have returned. Yep, we've been busy, so busy I've run myself into the ground, or into bed, I've been so tired. Anyhoot, here's a little catch up for you, no, no you can't sit down :)

Let's start with Wednesday LAST week. My washer broke, yep it did. How do I know this?? (I am a girl after all) Hm, my towels are soaking, what the H? I'll run it thru again and maybe the spin cycle will do what it's supposed to do...yep still wet. Ring, ring...hey dad I think my washer is broke. Dad, Uncle Bruce and mom come over and declare it all broked up. Nice. So, Friday night I bought a new washer AND dryer...the new dryer because YOU KNOW that would have broke this week :)

Saturday morning I gave blood (yea me) and walked in the house at 955a. At 10a the phone is ringing and it's JY's mom, um Lesa, is Allyson playing bball today. Yes, her game is at 11a. JY's mom's all, no, she plays at 10a. WTF?? Who changed the schedule and didn't tell me?? OMG, yep, Allyson made it just in time to play the second half of her game. Great, I'm that mom now. Ally's team won and Emily's team lost both games. Bummer!!

Sunday, gymnastics...in Melcher. We leave the house at 1130a, I'm driving mom, dad and the girls to Melcher on a nice Sunday drive. The trip was shorter than I thought because we got there in PLENTY of time. After what seems like forever Allyson is called, she got 2nd place (out of 7 girls). Another forever passes by and Emily is called, she got 3rd place (out of 3 girls). Good job girls. Just remember, I don't care where you stand on the podium, as long as you do your best. My heart just fills with pride watching you do what you do.

Today was a good day! Yeah, I needed one of those. Then I got home....In the mail was a card. I get cards everyday. Not a day goes by that there isn't one in the mail box, just thinking of you cards. Today, I received one from a colleague of Jeff's from CA. It was very nice, the letter was very nice and it made me cry. See, I don't think anyone knows how my life is everyday. I can't explain it so you will understand. The only way you will ever know is if, god forbid, you go thru it yourself.

Everyday I wake up knowing that I will never see, hear, smell, touch, talk to, fight with, hug or kiss Jeff again. Everyday I wake up with the scene from that morning running thru my head and thinking what if. Everyday I wake up and say, huh another shitty day ahead. And everyday I question whether I'll make it thru without pissing someone off because I'm not being a very good friend, sister, daughter, mother or if I'm not doing my job well enough or if people are thinking I'm making poor decisions or wondering if some kid at school is going to make fun of one of my girls or treat them badly or say something about Jeff to hurt their feelings. "Things" that I never thought about before, because I had everything I needed and wanted in J. It's true when I tell you that J was my everything - the best friend, the best fighter, the best maker upper, and I truly believe we were the best together. We, along with the girls, fit.

Today hurts more than it did yesterday, and I think J's mom said it right tonight while we were talking on the phone "the shock is wearing off". And I think she's right.

Everyday is a new day to count a first that we're/I'm doing without J. I know that they say time heals all wounds, but it doesn't make them disappear. I miss J, I miss him every second, minute, hour of everyday. So, here I am, just trying to make it thru another second, minute, hour, day.

Thanks for checking in.

L