Is always bittersweet.
The youth basketball league started the season without me at the helm. I'd love to say it was a hard decision to make, but it wasn't. Why? Partly because I'm still a tiny bit involved...come on, you knew I couldn't cut the cord entirely, right? Nah, I gave up the part that no one wants and am now VP on the BB board, I like it. I still get a say in some of the decisions about one of the most important things to J, and that makes me happy.
I always knew that once the girls were out of grade school, out of the youth league, J was going to move on to Jr High, either coaching or just cheering his crazy head off. He was going to follow his girls. So, the decision to hand over the league was much easier to do rather than to hang on to something I knew we'd be done with.
Running the youth league with J was both amazing and frustrating and also a great cause of conflict in our marriage. Every basketball season it was the same, he coached and I took care of the headaches. Running any kind of anything is a thankless job and almost always turns in to a hated job. Not for J...no because he didn't have to deal with the angry parents, I was the peace keeper, he was the star ;) Well, kind of. I'll tell you this, he was an overachiever in all things youth basketball, outside of that, not a whole lot mattered.
So, with my handing this last thing over, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank all of the people who have been there from the beginning helping, listening, coaching, volunteering at the tournaments, the parents who drove their children to and from practices and games, the children who signed up, the HS coaches and anyone else who just lent a hand when needed ESPECIALLY in the last couple of years without J. The basketball league wouldn't be half as successful without ALL of you.
We had a good run. The first boys team J coached are graduated from HS and in their 20's, the first boys team J coached when we took over the league are Jr's in HS. When the girls hit 3rd grade he made the move to coaching the girls teams (sometimes 3 or 4 at a time), much to my nephews disappointment :)
J would have been so proud of where the youth league is and what we've been able to accomplish. His dream was to provide basketball for the youth of our community, the future of I35..I think we've done ok in his absence.
I'd also like to give a shout out and thank the brave peeps that volunteered to step in and take over. My only advice would be, good luck and you've got my number :)
Thanks for checking in.
L
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Just wow...
About a month ago, E and A attended Camp Amanda (Amanda the Panda sponsored). E went without hesitation, with A, it took a little talking in to. Today, I know they're both happy they went if for no other reason than they met other kids that lost a loved one. At camp, they weren't different and the other kids knew how they felt and have experienced all the other emotions they have had to deal with since losing J.
A couple of days ago I received a call from a reporter with the Des Moines Register asking if, since I signed a release, he could publish the girls names in the paper regarding Camp Amanda. Of course I said sure, why not, I signed the release. I had no idea when the article would run and I had absolutely no idea in what capacity the girls would be mentioned. Well, the story ran today and hit me square in the face. You can read the article here. The emotion that this reporter captured with A made me cry. This is my daily struggle. It's not my grief anymore that makes me stumble every day, it's the girl's grief that gets me.
In my own journey "to the other side", I've dealt with the emotions of the losing, never having again, the end, never coming back and then the chore of pulling my sh!t together for the girls and moving forward instead of staying stuck in the past. I'm able to put one foot in front of the other and move towards my own "new normal" because I haven't had the luxury of laying down and shutting out the world in one form or another. Every day I've gotten up and lived because the girls have needed to see that, and every day I get up because of them. I am truly happy in the life I'm living at the moment...
The girls, amazing as they are in my eyes, I know still struggle with the loss every day. They may not voice it, they may not show it, but it's there...and I realized today after reading that article that it will never go away for them...for any of us, really. But for them, as they get older, they will realize more and more what their dad is missing because he passed away (we don't say died). He will miss them graduating from HS/college, getting married and walking them down the aisle, he'll miss holding their children and he'll miss every other big or little thing in between. This is our reality, and I know we aren't alone in this reality, there are so many others that know what this feels like. And I just want to put my 2 cents in, that sucks.
It's been almost three years since J left us. Some days I wake up and it feels like it was just yesterday, other days it seems like 20 years have passed us by. The pain is still there but it's different. The loss is still there but that to is different. Us girls, we wake up and put our pants on the same way the rest of the world does, we just have a little more weighing on our hearts each time we do.
Thanks for checking in.
L
A couple of days ago I received a call from a reporter with the Des Moines Register asking if, since I signed a release, he could publish the girls names in the paper regarding Camp Amanda. Of course I said sure, why not, I signed the release. I had no idea when the article would run and I had absolutely no idea in what capacity the girls would be mentioned. Well, the story ran today and hit me square in the face. You can read the article here. The emotion that this reporter captured with A made me cry. This is my daily struggle. It's not my grief anymore that makes me stumble every day, it's the girl's grief that gets me.
In my own journey "to the other side", I've dealt with the emotions of the losing, never having again, the end, never coming back and then the chore of pulling my sh!t together for the girls and moving forward instead of staying stuck in the past. I'm able to put one foot in front of the other and move towards my own "new normal" because I haven't had the luxury of laying down and shutting out the world in one form or another. Every day I've gotten up and lived because the girls have needed to see that, and every day I get up because of them. I am truly happy in the life I'm living at the moment...
The girls, amazing as they are in my eyes, I know still struggle with the loss every day. They may not voice it, they may not show it, but it's there...and I realized today after reading that article that it will never go away for them...for any of us, really. But for them, as they get older, they will realize more and more what their dad is missing because he passed away (we don't say died). He will miss them graduating from HS/college, getting married and walking them down the aisle, he'll miss holding their children and he'll miss every other big or little thing in between. This is our reality, and I know we aren't alone in this reality, there are so many others that know what this feels like. And I just want to put my 2 cents in, that sucks.
It's been almost three years since J left us. Some days I wake up and it feels like it was just yesterday, other days it seems like 20 years have passed us by. The pain is still there but it's different. The loss is still there but that to is different. Us girls, we wake up and put our pants on the same way the rest of the world does, we just have a little more weighing on our hearts each time we do.
Thanks for checking in.
L
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)