16 years if you're not keeping track, or reminded daily, can't math well (like me), or maybe we're just not living the same life. And that's OK. *Holy shit, Lesa, it only took you 16 years to stop holding that grudge* Yeah, yeah, I know - this is me, building a bridge and getting over it.
I always have so much I want to say to you running on repeat in my head for months leading up to this dreaded day, but honestly, this year, I really only want to say is I miss you. Oh, I'm still holding a grudge that you left...maybe someday I'll build a new bridge and get over that too.....maybe. Until then, I miss you for all of the things you've missed out on and all the things to come.
I often think about what kind of father you would have been to your adult girls. For example, there's a wedding coming up. I wonder, would you have liked and/or approved of E's choice. I mean, we love him. But would you have taken 3 days off work and "chaperoned" a 3-day bachelor party for DoubleD that may or may not have ended with a few groomsmen spending a little time in the ER the night before your daughter's wedding? I would hope not, but isn't it fun speculating the shenanigans you might have been involved in and/or been the ringleader of? That's how you did it!! Family tradition and all that!! Haha, kidding, kinda. You would have disagreed on politics, debated and killed any random fact to death but you probably would have found middle ground with baseball, and that would have been some magic.
I know you know how awesome our kids are, but it bears repeating. THESE KIDS ARE AWESOME! E is still jetting (or driving) around the country living that travel nurse life and A is (thank goodness) close to home working in the mental health field. Both are doing amazeball things but mostly just making me proud, all day, every day. I probably don't tell them that enough.
I told your mom yesterday that I will love you forever, that will never change - I will love you forever for the love you gave while you were here and for the littles you helped create - you see, I'm never really without you because you live so big in them.
I don't have any profound words that got me through this year, but I do have a song that hit me right in the feels the other day, take a listen, it's absolutely perfect and, well, you.
It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway, we miss you, we love you forever and for always. Be near, maybe riding shotgun when E is driving the country and when A is making a tough decision for someone she's trying to help. Blow them a kiss on the wind, make sure they know it's you...and always be near.
p/s if you're sending the "JY" license plates to the girls and I, we're picking up what you're putting down - we see you.
Glasses up at 6a.
Thanks for checking in.
L
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