Reflections on a house….

Last night I signed paperwork.  Paperwork required of someone selling a house, like…the final paperwork.  While in other circumstances I normally adhere to the staunch (G’ma Austin) policy of “one is good, two is better” however, in the circumstance of two houses, a difficult decision was born. 

In the last (almost) five years I’ve made some pretty big discoveries about myself and made some pretty big decisions in my life and the lives of my children.  It’s been a rough ride with lots and lots and lots of ups and downs but, I’m finding out, these things have seemed only to make us stronger.  In the past (almost) five years, I’ve been tested, harshly judged, questioned on my ability to parent….and the list goes on and on these are just a few.  So much negative that sometimes I question where all the human souls are hiding, srsly.   

Anyway…back to the house.  This is one of those big decisions that I made because, you know, it was time.   

The girls and I made the move to JH’s house November 2012, we've had Christmas Eve/Christmas, a year of birthdays, celebrated a wedding and just lived as a family out there.  We’ve made a lot of new memories at our “new” house and now, it really just feels like home.  I’m just recently discovering that a house is just a house and it’s the people who reside there that make it a home.  My home, OUR home, is where my most loved family is. 

So, why am I feeling so….blah?  The house we lived in has seen a lot of things…what’s that old saying….”if these walls could talk….”  Well, if those walls could talk, whoa.  That house was remodeled with the blood, sweat and tears of G’pa Austin, my dad and JY.  For FOUR months, we worked night and day on making that house our home.  When we moved in, Emily was 6 months old and I was pregnant with Allyson (surprise!!).  That house is the only home both girls had known.  It’s seen GREAT times, good times, bad times and the worst of the worst times.  We have a history there, we’ve made some great memories (and some not so great memories) there.  It was our first house and we loved the shit out of that house.   

It’s also where JY left us to pick up the many, many pieces of broken hearts left behind.  It’s where the girls and I united in the “us against the world” club we formed.  It’s where we made changes (physically, mentally and to the house itself), grew and opened our hearts to new adventures and love.  And…it’s a house.  A house where my family, my heart, no longer resides.   

So, I signed the papers last night giving the house to another young couple whose baby will know only as its own.  Make it your own, love it, take good care of it….it will love you back, I promise.   

Thanks for checking in.

L

 

Side note: I’m going to start writing here again…I’ve been absent, I know, hopefully the girls let me slow down enough to keep my word.