Tonight I dropped the kids off at gymnastics and drove out to the cemetery to have a long over due chat with JY. While sitting there, I've decided that we picked out the perfect headstone...I sat on the bench, crossed my legs, cracked open my Diet Dr. P, lit a smoke and just started talking.
Even tho the conversation was a little one sided, I sat out there for over an hour. I didn't know that in 5 months I'd have so much to say. I'm sure JY, if he were there, would have told me to shut up already...LOL. I talked to him about the girls, about work, about the things that I'll be doing on the house, about how straight F'd up my life is right now and about how pissed I am at him for leaving us, the girls especially, here alone.
I told him that I have to look at pictures to really see his face. I told him about wanting to be loved, about how alone I feel even in a crowd, about not wanting to be alone and about trusting my heart even when I know it will be broken. I let him know how disappointed I am in a few people who promised him they would step up.
I went out there looking for a sign, something....it was a bust. The only thing that I got was a whole lotta of hearing myself talk, cry and curse...
Thanks for checking in.....
L
1 comment:
It is a perfect headstone. Lovely! Can't say lovely for a guy? Okay then . . . it is a very nice stone!
I am so glad you had a long talk with JY. It was time he listened. It is tme you told him -- and it is only right and normal that you are PO'd. Tic'd. Down right mad. Angry and mad that he left you.
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