Happy Anniversary Babe....

Today we would have been married for 15 years. Those 14ish years that we were married were the best and worst of my life. But without them, I wouldn't be the person that I am today and I wouldn't have our 2 beautiful daughters that I thank God everyday I have...Since we started dating, when I was 17, I've spent over 1/2 my life with you.

I remember 15 years ago, 2 days prior to our wedding, you had a 48 hour bachelor party. I was so p*ssed about that. Not because you were out having fun, but because you were out having fun without me.

The night before our wedding, I remember it like it was yesterday...Shana and I had just gotten home from having dinner and were sitting around mom's kitchen table talking when the phone rang. Mom answered and immediately her face turned white and she started stuttering. Shana and I are all, what the heck is going on?? Mom hangs up and she says, we have to go to the hospital there has been an accident. That's all we knew. I was scared to death. We got to the hospital and found out that all 3 of the groomsmen were involved in a car accident, 2 were thrown from the vehicle and one was trapped inside, none of them were you....After checking on everyone and after Shana and I 'borrowed' some face masks and chased each other in the hallways, mom, Julie, Shana and I headed home. On the way home (at 3a), we decided we were hungry and stopped off at Perkins where we were all silly as hell, delirious with fatigue.

Saturday morning dawned bright and early with all of us dragging a$$ to the wedding rehearsal (who's bright idea was that??) where we found out we were a groomsmen or two down. We moved the ushers to groomsmen and two of my cousins stood in as ushers. I was p*ssy the whole time from lack of sleep and all the last minute changes and I took it out on you....you hated that. While sitting on a picnic table you took my hands in yours, looked into my eyes and said' "I love you, I want to spend my life with you and I'm sorry this day isn't turning out the way you envisioned it." How could I stay mad after you said that. Those sweet, heartfelt words have stayed in my heart all this time.

I remember standing at the top of the aisle and dad asking me if I really wanted to do this....I looked at him and said, "yes, yes I do." I have never been more sure about anything since then. I walked down the aisle towards the rest of my life...how was I to know I'd only get 14ish years? We didn't make the most of them. I wish we would have.

Last year, we spent our anniversary at our favorite place - O'Hana Steakhouse - with 8 other peeps (mom & dad, my sister & Travis, the Rankin's and the Richardson's) and out for a drink with TA after that. When we got home, we hung out and messed around with the puppies....It was a great day. I still have the email you sent me that day at work, I read it daily. It simply says, "I love you, happy anniversary Bear." You weren't into flowers, that's ok I'm allergic. You were barely into card giving, that's ok too. But you were always free with the love...and that's all I ever wanted.

I'll be thinking of you when I'm at our fave hang out with my buddies. Happy anniversary babe. I miss you.

L