That's right, I went camping this weekend...for THREE WHOLE DAYS!! I'm not saying I did it ALL by myself but for the most part, I kinda did.
Since this was the first time the girls and I have been camping, I made a few mistakes, decided I need to add a few neccessities and I forgot a few things that you can be certain I won't forget the next time. I didn't bathe or brush my teeth every day and by the end of the weekend I was wearing a hat (an Iowa hat no less) and no eye liner, eek!! I was a hot mess but I didn't care one bit!! And, funny, no one else cared either.
The girls had a GREAT time and can't wait to do it all over again next weekend with their cousin's. This was the girls first time ever camping and they did really well. I heard "I'm bored" less than 100 times so to me it was a success :)
Short work week but busy at home...Ally has softball Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.
Thanks for checking in...
L
Monday, May 31, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Happy Birthday Brinny!!
On May 6th, Sabryn turned 6!!! It was her Star Birthday and told EVERYONE who would listen that that's what it was :) I was there when this peanut was born and I love this kid like no other! Probably because she reminds me so much of Allyson, looks like her too...but she's ALL Julie (just like Allyson is). Happy Birthday Brin, Autie Lesa loves you to pieces :) I didn't quite have my singing voice on so....
Thursday, May 6, 2010
New addition...
For my birthday I said to myself, self, I need a new puppy. Yeah, I know, I'm crazy. But this special little bit of a thing has brought so much to our family in the short time she's been with us, even if she does mistake my NEW carpet for grass and squats frequently. Her name is Bella Noelle and she's a Yorkie. She's also a terrorist who will bite your ankles any chance you give her. You should NOT be fooled by her cute face.
It's a busy, messy life, but it's mine.
Today, I love my life.
Why today? Because I think I'm finally in the place I thought I was over a year ago. Where I was a year ago was showing everyone around me that I'm fine, that I can do this, that I'm superwoman...but I wasn't and I'm not. Today is different because I can finally look at my life and see the future. The girls are healthy, doing well in school, thriving in our 'new' environment without J and making me proud every time I turn around. I'm doing it. I'm handling it and when I can't handle it, I ask for help. We're happy. I haven't been able to say that for a very, very long time. Sure, in the last 4 (or so) months there have been some pretty significant changes in our lives...but I think with those significant, major changes we're all adapting, accepting and moving on.
Another step forward that we've recently taken together...the girls and I are in counseling. I wasn't going to mention it but I can't help but think that all this clarity and being 'ok with the skin I'm in' has something to do with talking to someone who hasn't been in our lives for the last 15 months and validates the choices I've made or the thoughts I've had as an unbiased 3rd party. Having someone say that some of the things I question about myself along with my actions and decisions are ok and (OMG) normal is such a breath of fresh air....it's amazing the weight I feel has been lifted from my shoulders. It upsets me that I down played counseling so much for so long. I've learned so much about myself and the girls in the short time we've been going that I recommend it for everyone who feels like they are in a bad place in their lives. Just my opinion, of course. It helps, says the one who can do it ALL for herself and her own....I know, right??
For many months after losing J, I was hurting, I was sad and I was so alone. I was worried that I would be alone for the rest of my life. While I'm not ok with being alone for the rest of my life, I won't settle. I realized that it's going to take a VERY special person to put up with me and my busy, messy life. But I also think that there is someone out there that is up for the challenge, that will stick by my busy, messy life and me for the long haul. J was once that special person, he put up with a lot but he loved me with all that he had and I will cherish that for the rest of my days. But I can't live in the past forever, nor can I wish for the same thing I had with J. I can never have that again....and I'm ok with that, today. I miss him. His bad habits, flaws and all. It went both ways. We were best friends. And worst enemies. And it worked for us. But that is over. Someday, I'll find the one who will stick....someday.
Thanks for checking in....
L
Why today? Because I think I'm finally in the place I thought I was over a year ago. Where I was a year ago was showing everyone around me that I'm fine, that I can do this, that I'm superwoman...but I wasn't and I'm not. Today is different because I can finally look at my life and see the future. The girls are healthy, doing well in school, thriving in our 'new' environment without J and making me proud every time I turn around. I'm doing it. I'm handling it and when I can't handle it, I ask for help. We're happy. I haven't been able to say that for a very, very long time. Sure, in the last 4 (or so) months there have been some pretty significant changes in our lives...but I think with those significant, major changes we're all adapting, accepting and moving on.
Another step forward that we've recently taken together...the girls and I are in counseling. I wasn't going to mention it but I can't help but think that all this clarity and being 'ok with the skin I'm in' has something to do with talking to someone who hasn't been in our lives for the last 15 months and validates the choices I've made or the thoughts I've had as an unbiased 3rd party. Having someone say that some of the things I question about myself along with my actions and decisions are ok and (OMG) normal is such a breath of fresh air....it's amazing the weight I feel has been lifted from my shoulders. It upsets me that I down played counseling so much for so long. I've learned so much about myself and the girls in the short time we've been going that I recommend it for everyone who feels like they are in a bad place in their lives. Just my opinion, of course. It helps, says the one who can do it ALL for herself and her own....I know, right??
For many months after losing J, I was hurting, I was sad and I was so alone. I was worried that I would be alone for the rest of my life. While I'm not ok with being alone for the rest of my life, I won't settle. I realized that it's going to take a VERY special person to put up with me and my busy, messy life. But I also think that there is someone out there that is up for the challenge, that will stick by my busy, messy life and me for the long haul. J was once that special person, he put up with a lot but he loved me with all that he had and I will cherish that for the rest of my days. But I can't live in the past forever, nor can I wish for the same thing I had with J. I can never have that again....and I'm ok with that, today. I miss him. His bad habits, flaws and all. It went both ways. We were best friends. And worst enemies. And it worked for us. But that is over. Someday, I'll find the one who will stick....someday.
Thanks for checking in....
L
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Softball pics...
As promised. Since FB is WAY better at storing pics, click HERE to view the pics from last Tuesday's game and also a couple of Ally's big bruise. I've started calling her bruiser, because, well..that's what she is :)
Thanks for checking in...
L
Thanks for checking in...
L
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Grounder to the face...
Tonight's game was another nail biter :) Allyson played 2nd base tonight and did a really good job, well from what I could see from the concession stand.
First inning, I'm working the concession stand hard when I hear one of the other mothers say, "Hey mom, aren't you on 2nd?" And I'm all, "yeah." And the other mother says, "aren't you on 2nd." (stress in her voice) I look out on the field and all I see is my kid lying on the ground. I dropped what I was working on and ran as fast as my bad ankle would take me out to the field where Ally is sitting, bawling and holding her mouth. I look at her, ask her if there are any teeth sticking thru her lip and she shakes her still bawling head no, so I say, "shake it off sis, get back up and play." The coach looks at me and says, "you know there is a no moms on the field rule, right?" And I'm all, in my head, you really want to do that to me right now? And he turns to Ally and says, "isn't it embarrassing that your mom is out on the field?" And I turn to Ally and say, "do you want me to kiss it?" Ally play slapped me and started laughing which is what the coach was trying to do in the first place. It took me 2 innings to calm down....I don't ever want to see that again, knowing that with Allyson, it's totally possible.
Ally hit the ball twice tonight, got on base, got to try out her new sliding technique and scored. The team brought home another win and Ally thinks it's cool that she has a GIANT bruise forming on her chin. She's such a boy.
Eventful night for us...earlier in the evening Emily was pitching to Allyson and the ball Ally hit smacked Emily in the ankle so hard it left thread marks...yikes. As usual, it's never a dull moment in this house. We're all a mess.
Pictures soon, promise. Thanks for checking in...
L
First inning, I'm working the concession stand hard when I hear one of the other mothers say, "Hey mom, aren't you on 2nd?" And I'm all, "yeah." And the other mother says, "aren't you on 2nd." (stress in her voice) I look out on the field and all I see is my kid lying on the ground. I dropped what I was working on and ran as fast as my bad ankle would take me out to the field where Ally is sitting, bawling and holding her mouth. I look at her, ask her if there are any teeth sticking thru her lip and she shakes her still bawling head no, so I say, "shake it off sis, get back up and play." The coach looks at me and says, "you know there is a no moms on the field rule, right?" And I'm all, in my head, you really want to do that to me right now? And he turns to Ally and says, "isn't it embarrassing that your mom is out on the field?" And I turn to Ally and say, "do you want me to kiss it?" Ally play slapped me and started laughing which is what the coach was trying to do in the first place. It took me 2 innings to calm down....I don't ever want to see that again, knowing that with Allyson, it's totally possible.
Ally hit the ball twice tonight, got on base, got to try out her new sliding technique and scored. The team brought home another win and Ally thinks it's cool that she has a GIANT bruise forming on her chin. She's such a boy.
Eventful night for us...earlier in the evening Emily was pitching to Allyson and the ball Ally hit smacked Emily in the ankle so hard it left thread marks...yikes. As usual, it's never a dull moment in this house. We're all a mess.
Pictures soon, promise. Thanks for checking in...
L
The softball season...
Has officially started for Allyson. This is the first year we've been involved in the sport that lasts half the summer, requires a bunch of 'cool' (which is equal to expensive) gear and 'allows' you to travel all over the Southern part of Iowa. I can't even properly communicate the excitement Allyson has about softball, it's that much. On the way to her first practice she was all nervous asking a million questions to which I didn't have the answer to when she says, "I thought you played softball mom, you don't know anything." Yikes. So I say, "I did play softball but 'back in the day' softball for me was Truro, New Virginia and St. Charles playing against each other and we had a sponsor (Fickes, we were the Fickette's, that's right). And I stopped playing after Jr. High. I know how to hit and I know how to catch, beyond that, well, you'll have to pay attention at practice :)" When I picked her up after the first practice she said to me, "MOM, I have 5 bruises from getting hit by the ball." My response, "well, if you don't have bruises you aren't trying hard enough." It was such a JY thing to say :)
So, Tuesday night Allyson had her first game. She played short stop, which seems about right since she's short :) She was nervous, I was nervous...she did awesome and I realized that the game of softball has changed since I've played. She got up to bat at least 2 times and struck out both times, BUT she went down swinging so I didn't care at all!! Her cousin's, Beau and Brayden, were there trying to coach her while batting (choke up on the bat, watch the ball all the way in...) and told her after the game that they would come in to our house and pitch to her, how sweet is that?? Later, Allyson asked me, "what does choke up on the bat mean." Oh dear...
Last night, I found my old, worn out glove and pitched to Allyson in the backyard. We practiced for an hour and during that time I wondered if Allyson thought that this is how it was supposed to be, mom pitching to me, helping me practice or if she thought, my dad should really be here doing this with me...the things that randomly pop in to my head all the time...weird. All I know is, YES, JY should have been here doing this...sports were his thing, I was just the cheerleader. Now I'm both.
Stay tuned for softball updates, we're at it every Tuesday and Thursday night from now until the middle of June. I took pics of Allyson on Tuesday that I'll get put up eventually...I'm excited!!
Thanks for checking in....
L
BTW, I forgot the most important thing!!! They won the game!
So, Tuesday night Allyson had her first game. She played short stop, which seems about right since she's short :) She was nervous, I was nervous...she did awesome and I realized that the game of softball has changed since I've played. She got up to bat at least 2 times and struck out both times, BUT she went down swinging so I didn't care at all!! Her cousin's, Beau and Brayden, were there trying to coach her while batting (choke up on the bat, watch the ball all the way in...) and told her after the game that they would come in to our house and pitch to her, how sweet is that?? Later, Allyson asked me, "what does choke up on the bat mean." Oh dear...
Last night, I found my old, worn out glove and pitched to Allyson in the backyard. We practiced for an hour and during that time I wondered if Allyson thought that this is how it was supposed to be, mom pitching to me, helping me practice or if she thought, my dad should really be here doing this with me...the things that randomly pop in to my head all the time...weird. All I know is, YES, JY should have been here doing this...sports were his thing, I was just the cheerleader. Now I'm both.
Stay tuned for softball updates, we're at it every Tuesday and Thursday night from now until the middle of June. I took pics of Allyson on Tuesday that I'll get put up eventually...I'm excited!!
Thanks for checking in....
L
BTW, I forgot the most important thing!!! They won the game!
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Birthdays...are they really necessary??
Today I turned 36, YIKES!! I happen to be under the thought that birthdays are just another day passing us by. Who wants to make a big deal out of turning another year older, and one year closer to 40 to boot? Oh wait...isn't 40 the new 20?? YIKES!!
This birthday wasn't spent in sunny Florida, no, it was spent in sunny Iowa going to church with Julie's family, brunch, looking at an RV (not for me), mani's/pedi's with mom, Julie and the girls (+ Beau, but don't tell anyone) ending with dinner grilled by dad and lots and lots of laughter.
This birthday marks the 2nd birthday I've faced without J. Today I turned another year older than J will ever be. J always 'forgot' my birthday but he always made up for it in a big way and I miss that. I miss having that someone, I loved more than anything, come up huge on my birthday no matter how much I didn't like turning another year older. And to J, coming up huge meant a gooshy card, a surprise of some sort and time spent with just me. GD I miss that. I miss him. He was here with us today, in the memories we shared and the 'Jeffisms' that kept getting thrown out.
It was a day I'm glad to be moving on from...not the family love, but the whole I'm a year older. Tomorrow, like today, is just another day...
Thanks for checking in...
L
This birthday wasn't spent in sunny Florida, no, it was spent in sunny Iowa going to church with Julie's family, brunch, looking at an RV (not for me), mani's/pedi's with mom, Julie and the girls (+ Beau, but don't tell anyone) ending with dinner grilled by dad and lots and lots of laughter.
This birthday marks the 2nd birthday I've faced without J. Today I turned another year older than J will ever be. J always 'forgot' my birthday but he always made up for it in a big way and I miss that. I miss having that someone, I loved more than anything, come up huge on my birthday no matter how much I didn't like turning another year older. And to J, coming up huge meant a gooshy card, a surprise of some sort and time spent with just me. GD I miss that. I miss him. He was here with us today, in the memories we shared and the 'Jeffisms' that kept getting thrown out.
It was a day I'm glad to be moving on from...not the family love, but the whole I'm a year older. Tomorrow, like today, is just another day...
Thanks for checking in...
L
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Conversation with a smarty pants 10 year old...
So, the chicks and I are doing the Monday night thing which equals NOTHING but watching a BUNCH of TV when a commercial comes on and this is what comes out of A's mouth....
(commercial for eHarmony.com)
A: Hey mom, you should join eHarmony to meet someone.
Me: I'm already a member. Wait, what?!? How do you know what that is??
A: Cause I just saw a commercial on it. Is that how you met (!#$@)?
E: (from behind her, rolling her eyes) No stupid, she didn't meet him there.
A: (raised voice) Ok E...I was just wondering. What about Match.com??
Me: For the love, really, I can take care of meeting my own peeps.
A: Well, I'm just trying to help...
Me: Well, I don't need your help there sweet thing, but thanks for looking out for me anyway.
A: No problem mom.
It's a laugh a minute at my house...
Thanks for checking in...
L
(commercial for eHarmony.com)
A: Hey mom, you should join eHarmony to meet someone.
Me: I'm already a member. Wait, what?!? How do you know what that is??
A: Cause I just saw a commercial on it. Is that how you met (!#$@)?
E: (from behind her, rolling her eyes) No stupid, she didn't meet him there.
A: (raised voice) Ok E...I was just wondering. What about Match.com??
Me: For the love, really, I can take care of meeting my own peeps.
A: Well, I'm just trying to help...
Me: Well, I don't need your help there sweet thing, but thanks for looking out for me anyway.
A: No problem mom.
It's a laugh a minute at my house...
Thanks for checking in...
L
Monday, April 5, 2010
Easter 2010
Easter didn't start with the Easter Bunny...we don't do that in my house, which is kinda funny since that's how I was raised. J and I didn't do the Easter Bunny when he was here either so I'm carrying on that tradition :) It's weird, the girls have never asked about it, so I've never had to explain...
No, the girls and I started our day going to church with Julie and her family. Church started at 9a which meant 3 girls getting ready made for an EARLY morning start for us. It's the first time in 15 months that I've stepped in to a church for myself. I'm glad we went.
After church, we stopped for coffee (duh) and desert for our Easter dinner with mom and dad. I ate enough that I officially don't have to eat for a month and it was AWESOME. Not surprising since my mom's a pretty awesome cook!! Hmmm, it seems a lot of her awesomeness skipped me and went right to my sister...that sucks.
The afternoon consisted of the BEST scavenger hunt EVER!! It was so crazy that I had to have help hiding the treasures...nutty. The kids listened closely to the rules surrounding the hunt and then they were off!! They all had SUPER fun, thanks mom and dad!! The rest of the afternoon was spent in the sun pitching, catching and hitting softball/baseballs, trampoline jumping, spending time with family and loud, sugar overdosed kids. It was a great day.
Thanks for checking in...
L
No, the girls and I started our day going to church with Julie and her family. Church started at 9a which meant 3 girls getting ready made for an EARLY morning start for us. It's the first time in 15 months that I've stepped in to a church for myself. I'm glad we went.
After church, we stopped for coffee (duh) and desert for our Easter dinner with mom and dad. I ate enough that I officially don't have to eat for a month and it was AWESOME. Not surprising since my mom's a pretty awesome cook!! Hmmm, it seems a lot of her awesomeness skipped me and went right to my sister...that sucks.
The afternoon consisted of the BEST scavenger hunt EVER!! It was so crazy that I had to have help hiding the treasures...nutty. The kids listened closely to the rules surrounding the hunt and then they were off!! They all had SUPER fun, thanks mom and dad!! The rest of the afternoon was spent in the sun pitching, catching and hitting softball/baseballs, trampoline jumping, spending time with family and loud, sugar overdosed kids. It was a great day.
Thanks for checking in...
L
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