Today....

Is the last day of my self declared, week long pity party. I'm done.

I've spent the week feeling sorry for myself, what I've lost, what could have been, and what obviously wasn't meant to be....if it was meant to be, if it was truly good, well, I wouldn't be mourning a dead relationship now would I?

I've come to the conclusion that I love too much (there is no half way for me) and in turn expect WAY to much from the one's I love who in turn can't deliver on my extremely high expectations which in turn sets me up for disappointment every time. I can't change this about me.

The upside to all of this reflection? I now know that I'm capable of loving another person with my whole heart. I now know that I can be happy, maybe happier than I've ever been. I now know that my girls can let someone in and can deal with it not being their dad. I now know that I'm alive and my heart didn't shrivel up and die when I lost J.

Life is a risk, normal, every day life....J used to ALWAYS say, you take a chance waking up in the morning. This phrase, this thing he ALWAYS said, is something that I've taken to heart and have FINALLY understood after the 14 long months that I've been here, by myself, without him.

Thanks mom and dad for letting your 35 year old silly assed daughter hang with you because she doesn't like hangin' by herself...once again my family is there when I need them the most, as if I would ever doubt that...ever.

With that, I'm done, pity party serving one is officially over. I said to myself the other day, self; buck up, get back on that horse and move the f on. So I am....

Thanks for checking in.

L