From the kitchen of Jeff Young...

As most of you know, J spent the last year and a half of his life 'tweaking' his new love....cooking. While cleaning out the kitchen cabinets earlier this year, I found about 50 recipes that J tried out on us. Some of them are printed from a website and some of them in his handwriting. This recipe is the first one J tried out on us....every time he made this for us he, of course, tweaked it to be better than the last and it quickly became a FAVE in our house. No wonder I weighed about a hundred pounds more then than I do now....weird.

www.allrecipes.com is where this recipe came from....

Cheesy Potato Soup II

Ingredients
6 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 1/2 cups chopped onions (J used scallions)
1 1/2 cups chopped celery
4 cups of water
8 potatoes, peeled and cubed
15 slices American cheese - broken into pieces (J used half a brick of Velveeta)
4 tablespoons all-purpose flour
2 1/3 cups milk
2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley (J did not use this)

Directions
1. Melt the butter in a large pot over medium heat. Saute the onions and celery in the butter for 5 to 10 minutes, or until tender.

2. Stir in the water and potatoes, bring to a boil and then simmer until the potatoes are tender. Add the cheese and stir until melted.

3. In a separate small bowl, combine the flour and the mile and stir well until the flour is mostly dissolved. Pour this into the soup slowly, stirring constantly, until the soup has thickened, about 5 minutes.

I don't know how many variations of this soup we had, must have been a lot, but this is where he started from....us girls didn't like some of the things he tried but we ate them anyway because you couldn't look at his proud face and not at least TRY it. A lot of times, he made 2 dinners, one for us and one for the girls. It was never a cereal night while he was cooking up a storm, you ate what was put in front of you. Thank God he didn't reach out to Liver and Onions, I would have surely starved that night :)

Enjoy and thanks for checking in :)

L

It started with a song....

On my way home from work. It sparked a memory which sparked a missing so deep and painful that I had to call my sister to make it all better....I needed a hug. What a girl like thing to do and so VERY unlike me.

I knew December would be hard....Christmas was J's favorite holiday, he went all out; gifts, lights, the tree, the stockings and bitched about it all....he was the spirit of Christmas in our house and right now, our house has no Christmas spirit.

We get thru Christmas, then it's the day....I can't believe we've almost hit the one year mark. I can't believe all that's happened in one year. I can't believe all that he's missed. I can't believe what a huge presence we've lost in our lives, the one that would ALWAYS be here, the one that we took for granted.

Every minute of every day that has gone by, he is missed in one capacity or another, I don't think anyone else can grasp that.....unless something of this magnitude has happened to you. If I've learned nothing else in the last year, tell the one's you love that you love them, don't make them wonder.....

Thanks for checking in.

L

Sooo...

I've been listening to a lot of Nickelback lately...don't laugh, but they sing a lot of very profound stuff. One song, in particular, that I've had on replay is a song called 'If Today was Your Last Day'.

If Today Was Your Last Day

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you're never living twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes'
Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing stand in your way'
Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?
And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?

Since the first day of December (yes, just 2 days ago) I knew this was going to be the toughest month yet to face...not just a specific day this month, but the WHOLE month.

Thanks for checking in.

L

Here is the link (Deb & Judy)

Revelation # 3755

Or something like that :)

I'm too trusting.
I look for the good in everything and everyone.
I open my heart too easily.
I am very passionate.
I get hurt often because of these reasons.

Good or bad, this is me.

My new Favorite quote:

Love me without fear,
Trust me without wondering,
Love me without restrictions,
Want me without demand,
Accept me as I am..

Not many people will...accept me as I am.

L

Sent to me...

By a very wise and sweet girl...Thanks Jamie xoxo :)

You can shed tears that he is gone, or you can smile because he has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back, or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him, or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him only that he is gone, or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back.

Or you can do what he'd want; smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

Thanks Jamie, love you girl :)

L

Amazing...

I witnessed the MOST amazing thing yesterday...I heard a baby's first cry. It was an honor to be a part this moment, one that never gets old and one that can never be recreated no matter how many times you see it or it's you yourself giving birth. It was just simply amazing.

Congrats Paige and Codie, he's a beautiful baby and I'm so proud of both of you. Thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of this most important moment in your lives. It's a good thing you live close, I can't wait to get my baby fixes...you better watch out grandma Missy, your gonna have a little competition :)

L

Thanksgiving 2009....

One more first to be faced today. It's not as hard as I thought it might be...so I'm thankful for that.

The girls and I are going to mom and dad's for dinner, just us and them. Will it be weird without J sitting at the table eating his way thru anything placed in front of him? Yes, but it will be ok. Since he had recently taken up cooking, I'm sure he would have contributed something from his newly found love. I'll miss that. I'll also miss him flipping me shit about scouring the black Friday ads looking for the best deal on something I just HAD to HAVE...or something I thought the girls just HAD to HAVE. This day had always been about one thing for J, being with family.

Tonight Shan and I, based on what is found in the ads today, will be mapping out our Friday shopping route...no sleeping for us tonight as we are one of those crazy asses who has to be first in line for the next best thing, whatever that is. We'll sit at her kitchen table with 4 Registers full of ads making a list and checking it twice, then we'll head to Des Moines and meet my sis and KD for breakfast and then head out to our first destination. It's been a tradition for Shana and I for 10 years now...One that I look forward to every year. Black Friday 2008, J's list was bigger than mine and all that was on his list were kitchen appliances...makes me laugh every time I think about bringing all his "presents" home and watching him open them. He was giddy, and that in itself is down right hilarious to me....

I am so VERY thankful for my family and friends (old and new). Thank you for being there when I've needed you and, yes, even when I didn't. Thank you for your verbal and silent support and for loving me unconditionally even in my darkest, most hateful hours. I will never verbally be able to express what's in my heart, but I hope when you read this you feel my love and gratitude. I wouldn't be who I am nor where I'm at without you.....

We're gonna make it....I feel it in my heart.

L

Random thoughts...

Lately I've been too busy to think about how alone I am. But sometimes, like tonight, it totally catches me off guard. Oh I think about it, like when I came home from Florida to no one but the dog waiting for me or when I had to have a meeting with the school for Allyson or when I had to pick out pictures for the family calendar when for the last year my family has been a family member short or like yesterday when I sat at the youth league basketball meeting by myself listening to the other league heads talk about J like he was just missing from the meeting and not gone forever....it's tough, some days tougher than I'll let you see.

Last week I did something...something I never thought I'd do for me, I've gone before but never for me. I went to a medium. Now, I'll be the first one to tell you I don't believe in that stuff, but.....after last week, I'm questioning a few things. I heard some things I needed to hear either from the medium or from some other source, but I heard the words and I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. So, I'm glad I went if for no other reason than to believe in myself again. To believe that I am a good person and not just a person that shitty things happen to. To believe that I'm here being the best mother and father I can be to E & A. To believe I'm doing what J wanted me to do, move on and be happy.

I know people check my blog on a regular basis just to make sure we're still here, making it thru each day - never fear, we are. I know I've been slacking on the job a little....but there are just some things I'm not ready to share, some things that are better (and safer) left unsaid or left in my heart, no matter how heavy a burden it is sometimes.

Thanks for checking in...

L

There I go again...

Not posting on a regular basis...bad Lesa!!

There really hasn't been a lot to talk about lately. Us girls have been keeping pretty low key. We passed the 10 month mark and it was surprisingly uneventful. Oh we recognized it, me in Florida and the girls here in Iowa with grandma Deb, but it was different than any other month...Is it getting easier? I think so.

There is only so much you can talk about regarding home improvements. Right now, we're at a stand still. Everyone has been busy, and I'm ok with that :)

I spent the Halloween weekend in South Beach, YAY me. To view all 144 pics, go here, amazing!!

Coming up....BASKETBALL!! I had sign up on Monday night and will again on Thursday. I'm so not looking forward to all that business, but it was Jeff's baby so OF COURSE I'll continue on...

Thanks for checking in....

L

I miss you...

My fancy Grandma Austin....