To J's birthday on Friday. I keep having flashbacks to last year: We got TP'd at Homecoming and JY was uber p*ssed about it, Allyson cleaned it up because she was embarrassed and I took pictures because I'd never been TP'd; J got a new car because he blew up the Impala he'd been driving for 5 years from St. Charles to Ames almost everyday; his birthday dinner with mom, dad, Emily, Allyson and I at Joe's Crab Shack and him workin' the hula hoop that night to the birthday song :)
So many people think I don't think about these things or Jeff....What you don't know is that every minute of every day something catches my attention and brings back a memory. For example, I had to drive J's pimp Taurus to work today because the oil is being changed in the Jeep and when putting my seat belt on I caught a wiff of his cologne and POW....I sat there in the driveway for a second and had this conversation with J - Remember when we took the day off together to look for a new car for you?? We spent the whole day together, holding hands and just being together without kids.....That, was a good day. I laughed and then ended it with a good soul cleansing cry.
He's never coming back, he's never gonna call me babe, he's never gonna fight with me and he's never gonna hug or kiss me. EVER AGAIN....I've come to terms with this. The people most precious to him, Emily and Allyson, have come to terms with this....we shouldn't have ever had to.
The girls and I decided that we're going to take the birthday party to J on Friday. We'll have cake, balloons and cards to share....at the cemetery. Isn't life a kick in the ass sometimes??
Thanks for checking in.
L
3 comments:
I know what the emptiness feels like. The fact that everyone else can move on except you. You're left to deal with the pain, the giant holes in your life, just left...... I also had people judging me for different things. But I tried to think about all the people that were there supporting me. Helping me take one step at a time.
and there are many, supporting, you . . . and mentally helping you take one step at a time.
that's a good thing to do, I think, Lesa. Take the party to JY.
I don't know how anyone could think you DON'T think about JY every day, count down the days, regret the loss. You should sorrow and mourn and don't worry what others think. They can go jump in that lake!
Happy Birthday, tomorrow, JY.
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