Those of you who know me, know that JY and I were a team and we were damn good together, not always but for the times that mattered. For the last almost 5 months I've been trying to find Lesa. I know I'm not a drunk, I never was much of one, but I'm finding out that sometimes the alcohol helps me be stronger and more out going, does that make sense? Did I just say out-going?? LOL, I used to be that person, 5 months ago. I was the talker, the joke maker, the one to entertain everyone....I guess I didn't lose myself after all because I'm still all of those things only this time it's to joke away the shitty feelings and of being uncomfortable and so alone.
Anyway, there are some good things that have happened in my life...I've reached out to more people than I normally would have. I've been out and gotten social with people I wouldn't normally feel comfortable being out with. I'm trying to do what I know Jeff would have wanted me to be - get outta the house, have fun, move on...I don't like that phrase because some people will take that to mean that I've forgotten him already. Yeah, like that's gonna happen, I'm constantly reminded in the house, with his clothes laying around, Lare, and most importantly our 2 beautiful daughters. I will never forget JY, ever. But, for me to be any kind of normal, I have to spread my single mom, non-married wings....wow, non-married. I haven't been that for 14 years. I'll make mistakes, but I'll learn from them. Judge all you want, you can't hurt me more than I've already been hurt in my lifetime. I'm done preaching....
The girls and I took a drive out to the cemetary tonight. We decided that since the family has been out to see the headstone, we'd take pictures and post them for the rest of the family who isn't in the area. I hope you don't think it's weird...if you do, build a bridge and get over it (thanks T), I guess. Excuse my foul attitude, please.
Thanks for checking in...
L
Gwen's out, Joe's in....
5 comments:
Thank you Lesa for posting these pictures... The headstone is beautiful.
~Rachel
P.S. - I like Joe. :)
The headstone is beautiful and thanks for the pics!We all cope differently and there is NO right or wrong way. Using drinking to cope as a short term medicine is one way. I feel you have made great strides and yes you still hurt and are angry he is gone. But those too are normal. Sending (((((hugs))))) your way.love Aunt Deb
p.s. Joe is cool
oh damn. It is final now.
Lesa, I think of you every day.
Every day.
I know you have to get by, yourself.
No one can help you . . . just like giving birth or dying, you've got to do it on your own . . . by yourself . . .
But still. We all care. We all want to help.
Lesa,
Glad to see you are posting again. Writing is something you do so well and when it's not easy to talk about your feelings, this is such an amazing way to let it out. You are doing just fine, girl, and don't let anything anyone is saying get you down. We all cope in our own way and there is nothing wrong with doing it YOUR way, in your own time. Getting out is something JY would want you to do and you are touching the lives of so many right now with your strength and determination to get thru each day for you and the girls. There will be many bumps along the way-mistakes made and lessons learned, but it's something we all do and you are no different. I've said it to you before, that I hate the fact that this is the thing that brought us closer together after all of these years, but I have to say that my life is brighter with you and the girls and your family (Love you Bill and Robyn!) so keep on being you-and keep on reaching out to all of us that love you from the bottom of our hearts!!
Great pics babe! Joe is sooo YOU! And the memorial to Jeff is AMAZING. I took Emily and Kailee there on Friday and the pride poured from your daughters soul. I cried like a baby and she was a rock, just like her momma. You done good babe! SE
Lesa-What a beautiful head stone. Thinking of you & the girls. Take care. Sasha & Ryan
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