Songs with meaning...

You all probably think I'm crazy for listening to so much music and trying to find the meaning of life, my life, within the lyrics. Sometimes I feel like music is all that I have right now, that every song I hear reminds me of J in some way and brings back memories I'd forgotten but shouldn't have, does that make sense? It's so funny because I remember night after night sitting in the computer room and hearing J ask, what do you want to listen to tonight babes? Our music library ranged from Hannah Montana (yes, J liked to listen to her music) to Country to hard core Rap. One of the many things J and I had in common was music. We liked it all and did not discriminate against any one kind.

Lately, as you know, I've felt so alone, but I'm finding out how ok I am with being alone. I feel less like I have to be one half of a whole, which is weird because J always knew that I never did like being alone, I had to be part of a couple....I don't do well on my own. However, this almost year has taught me that while company, another 'adult' to talk to, a male specifically is nice....I've made a little place for just me and I like that place. Oh, I won't be alone forever, um no...I'm only 35 after all. But I won't be that girl who needs to be part of something so bad I'll just bend to fit, nope, I found a me I like and I'm not going to change for anyone. And I know J is ok with that, he told me he was ok with me moving on and finding someone to share my life with, the girls lives with, many times.

Jeff Young will always be my first love, but that doesn't mean he has to be my last. I have a lot of love to give someone, someone that will come into my life when I least expect it.

I feel like I've had an epiphany, that I've accepted what I've been handed and we're going to be ok. I'm not saying we won't have rough patches (getting Allyson in a dress, LOL) but in the grand scheme of things, the whole picture if you will, we'll all be ok.

This is one of the songs that has meaning to me...

Far Away

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know, you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know, you know, you know

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore

Next first to be faced around the corner...Christmas. It's gonna be ok.

Thanks for checking in,

L