I really don't have anything to say about today, it sucked just like yesterday and the day before and the day before that. I know I said I would look for the good in my life and start writing about that and, huh, I got nothing. I do know I have 2 good reasons to pick myself up from this and they need me so much, so I'm trying to keep myself together for them. Allyson had a little melt down tonight, she misses her daddy. I can't say anything to that except that I miss the hell out of him too. I can't fix her pain so I share it with her and promise that one day it won't hurt as much as it does today. I have to believe this, right? Right, so buck up buck-o-roo....bucket of sh*t I know, but I have to believe in something, right?
Emily informed me that the kids at school are spreading the same rumors that I heard about how JY left this earth and that just breaks my heart. She's knows it hurts me to hear it, but she told me anyway and I'm glad she did because we talked about it, ALL. She also knows that if she has any questions, she can ask and I'll be honest with her. Jesus, it's gonna be a long road to hoe, huh?
After dropping the girls off at the school bus, mom and I road tripped to Creston to the SS office to drop off my marriage certificate to take care of SSI for the girls, that's done.
I was at the house today for what seemed like forever, but was only about 5ish hours. I worked a little (read email), finished the laundry, put the laundry away, thought about what to do with JY's clothes - move them from the walk in closet (aka dinning room) or take them up to the bedroom to his closet. The clothes are still in the dinning room and I just don't know when I'll move them. What if we never feel comfortable enough to stay in the house by ourselves?? It's not like I can go out and buy another house...not an option. We can't stay with mom and dad for the rest of our lives - even tho Emily asked Granny if she could live here with them for the next year...
I don't know if I mentioned this, but the girls gymnastics team has given the girls and I meals M/W/Th, for how long, I'm not sure. We received the first meal tonight. No one has to worry that with JY being gone we aren't eating...we are eating soooooo good. I can't believe how good everyone has been to us. I will never be able to repay all this goodness. I guess I'll just have to find a way to pay it forward when someone else finds themselves in this situation. I'm overwhelmed.
G'night.
L
5 comments:
I noted at least 3 positives in this article---good start!!! Tired of my comments yet? love Aunt Deb
Aunt Debbie, sorry that I missed your b'day. I remember you at 3 yr when you told folks that "daddy hit me with a hammer" -- and you with two black eyes.
Lesa, you have a great network around you. Family and friends.
I reckon if the day comes that you cannot ever again set foot in your house you could sell it and buy another. There are options. There are always options. But for now, just hang. Hang and have faith; chill. Shhhhh. (pat/pat) Give it a little time. Lean on your folks and sis and friends and your girls . . . on your ol' Aunt Debbie. Cry your eyes out. My word girl. Take one step. One day. One week at at time. You don't have to make it by leaps and bounds. Try baby steps.
(I'm not even sure that "hang" is a slang word. I might have made it up! Help, Aunt Debbie! I need a crash course in young person slanguage!)
Seriously, you guys are a hoot!!
L
Thanks cuz Nance, but me with black eyes are you sure???? lol My poor dad would have been checked for child abuse and the hammer was dropped in error and most of the black eyes were caused from a swing.
To answer your question I think Hang is fine. but you think a person that says ninnyhammer knows the young people language????---Lesa glad we amuse you:{ lol love Aunt Debbie
Debbie, I remember the story . . . and the black eyes . . . very well. Your dear dad on a ladder and you "helping" below. Oops, your dad accidently dropped the hammer. Folks would ask you about your black eyes and you would say "Daddy hit me with a hammer".
I am quite sure I heard your dad tell this story and I heard my dad repeat it. We are so old this was before the days of child abuse. Oh, sorry, I am old and you are younger . . .
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