I did it....

I took Emily to bball practice tonight and didn't throw up, yay me. It was picture night, so of course she had to be there. But it made me remember that Allyson's team had picture night the Monday before all this business. Allyson got to take a special picture with her dad, Emily didn't. My heart aches thinking about it. I wonder if it even crossed Emily's mind.

I didn't make it thru the whole practice, I left and went and sat in my car for about 20 minutes to compose myself. That gym was JY's gym and to be at a practice without him there talking to the girls, teaching them plays, making them run because they're giggling too much or just a little thing like blowing his whistle was too much for me. It's not the same and I know it's not going to be the same.

I don't think I can explain in words what our basketball program meant to JY. He was raising up the future ballers of our school and it was something he took VERY seriously. He might not have been in on the administration side of things (yay me) and didn't like to talk to anyone else (yay me, again) but if a team didn't have a coach instead of giving them all their money back he stepped up and coached that team too. And regardless that we ran our I35 league, he went ahead and took over the WHOLE league. He said, don't worry babe, we'll do it together - which was code for, you handle the people and I'll do the rest.

I received an email from one of JY's cousins and it was just the pep talk I needed so I'll be going to the girls' bball games tomorrow. I'll handle it because my children have shown me how strong they've been by going back to school and dealing with their own grief, they make me proud.

You know, JY and I weren't perfect, but what we had in our hearts for each other was. We'll miss him on the bench tomorrow.

L